Addiction Transfer

I read alot about how food is an addiction and after the surgery you tend to transfer that addiction to other things like smoking, drinking, etc etc. I always thought it was bull but I'm starting to rethink that. I am really starting to think that I did have a food addiction and after surgery, I transferred my addiction to shopping. Now, why do I think this you ask....well, over the last several months my spending has be cut because of prices plus trying to save some money up in case something were to happen. I don't go out shopping the way I had over the last year or so. Plus the weather has me inside and not wanting to go out as much. So, I've been eating. Snacking, grazing, way more than normal. I just started realizing what I'm doing. Over the spring/summer/fall, I would go out and work in the yard almost every day, so I NEVER ate during the day, but now that I'm stuck at home more that's all I do. I have to get control of myself or I'm going to end up where I was 2 years ago. I WILL NOT go back there. I never realized how much I graze/snack when I have nothing to do. I mean yea, I clean the house and do the laundry but there's nothing else really that I can do around the house because I can't go outside. Sad excuse, but that's the only thing I can figure out. Where is SPRING?!?!?!?! I'm sick of sitting on my butt, watching Grey's and eating....that's all I seem to do everyday!

My Current Favorite Personal Top 10 Work Out Songs

I was working out today and thought, huh, I should post my current 10 favorite songs to work out to. I figured maybe if others do it I could get some new music added to my list....so post on your blog your favorite 10 work out songs! I can't imagine working out without music. I just get so pumped and could picture myself dancing at a club or something and that motivates me to push just a little harder. I'm doing good...busted my butt again today and man am I feeling it. Only bad thing is my legs (thighs) are getting thick from lifting weights, so my jeans are fitting snug on my thighs but they look great! My butt is getting a little plump too, which I never thought would happen b/c it was as flat as a board and flabby. But I've got a little bubble back there, again thanks to the weight lifting! :)

I'll warn you before you continue to read....I'm a Hip-Hop/Rap kinda girl and most of my songs are "Parental Advisory" :)

10. Crazy Bitch by Buckcherry
9. Hot N Cold by Katy Perry
8. Single Ladies by Beyonce
7. So What by Pink
6. When I Grow Up by Pussycat Dolls
5. Next Contestant by Nickelback
4. Riot by Three Days Grace
3. Pop Lock & Drop It by Huey
2. Swing by Savage
1. In The Ayer by Flo Rida

**Also, note to self, I honestly think if I ate right (meaning healthy veggies, fruits, no carbs etc etc) I would probably weight 120 which freaks me out, so I'm thinking as long as I work out and eat in moderation I WILL stay where I am and that is fine by me! :)

Update Post

Just thought I'd do a quick post. Date night Friday was fun. We went out to this totally yummy Mexican restaurant, Salty Iguana. OMG it was the best Mexican food I've found so far. I make myself laugh though because I sometimes think like a 307lb Amber. They obviously bring chips and salsa. I always order water to drink. Well, my sister said their caseo (sp) was good, so I ordered a small order (Steven doesn't eat it). I ate about 1/3 of it....then like an idiot I order the Independence special which comes with rice, beans, 1 enchilada, 1 tostada, 1 taco....HELLO....do I really think I can eat that?!? LOL...I ended up eating almost 1/2 the enchilada and 1/2 the beans. It was good but I just laughed at the food when the guy came out with the plateS! After dinner we returned some stuff to Toys R Us and of course bought other stuff, then off for a stroll through Wal Mart. I love that store, I could spend so much money there it's not even funny! Anyways, I didn't work out Sunday b/c of the snow but I worked out today and plan on working out again tomorrow, Thurs & Fri! I worked over the weekend, it was a little busy. I enjoy going to work, it's fun dressing people up and watching how good they feel in something new and fashionable! Anyways, I'm trying to get caught up on my 08 scrapbooking today, so I'm going to run for now so I can print and cut out pics and labels!

Why do so many WLS patients want to run?

Why is it so many WLS patients want to run? I use to think I wanted to run, however once I started running I thought what the HELL am I thinking? It's bad for your knees, ankles, joints, etc. Anyways.....just thought that was funny!
So, it snowed all morning today so we didn't go work out at my dads. Which in turn resulted in CRAP eating! Why is that.....being at home = eating stuff I know I shouldn't! Now the sun is out but it is like 22 outside but feels like 10.
Anyways, Steven and I are going on a date tonight, very excited about that. I think we're going out for Mexican food then he wants to go to a movie, but I'd rather just go stroll through the aisles of Wal-Mart....what is wrong with me?!? That's my idea of a fun night out with my husband...LOL!!! I'm so corny!

Food Post

Thursday:
Breakfast-Taco (hashbrowns/egg/sausage/cheese/salsa)YUMMY!
Lunch-




Wednesday:
Breakfast-Protein Bar
Lunch-Salad (let/tom/cheese/ham/turkey/bacos/6 croutons/ranch)
Snack- 1/2c mixed nuts, 1 slice of swiss cheese
Dinner-Lassagna & 1 slice of garlic toast
Snack-Sea Salt Bagel Crisps
4 dove chocolates throughout the day
I think I got in like 8 bottles of water today

Proud however Pathetic

Proud Part:

So, I woke up this morning feeling pumped and wanting to get back on track with eating the right things. My husband needs to lose at least 50lbs and he's been trying to cut back portions, so maybe that's what's getting me! I had a banana protein shake for breakfast and a nice salad for lunch. So far, I've had 2 bottles of water and did a kick ass workout at my dads! My upper body is just killing me. I'm up to benching 70lbs (3 sets of 10 reps).

Pathetic Part:

I have NO self control when it comes to food. As I put it in my mouth I know I shouldn't be eating it, but I do it anyways! I say it over and over again, but obesity is a mental disease, and addiction just like drugs or alcohol. I have a whole new appreciation to addicts and I understand how they call "fall off the wagon". I've fallen off my whole life and I know I will continue, just thank goodness for me when I do fall off, getting back on is much easier than if I used drugs or alcohol. So, the reason for the word pathetic is because I think it is so sad that I had to throw away food because of my lack of control. I tossed out leftover mac and cheese (cold mac and cheese is my fav and so hard to resist), cookies and cream ice cream, cheetos and that's it so far. I'm debating on the dove chocolates. If only I could limit myself to 3 a day or something, but when they're just sitting there in the cabinet it's so hard not to open it and grab one.

Anyways, that's my post and I'm sticking to it! Happy Tuesday!

Meals:
Breakfast-6oz Banana/Vanilla protein shake
Lunch-Salad (lettuce/tom/cheese/turkey/ham/bacos/6 croutons/ranch dressing
Snacks throughout the afternoon-2 slices of swiss cheese, 1/2 c mixed nuts, 2 dove candies
Dinner-Ham/Peas/Mashed potatoes/2 bites of a sugar cookie
Evening Snack-SLIPPED UP! Sea Salt Bagel Crisps & Some Pizza rolls
At least I didn't snack during the day....I will do better tomorrow....nights kill me!

Updated Pics

I had Steven snap a couple of pics yesterday when I was actually dressed with make-up. They're OK, nothing to write home about. I guess since there are no longer changes in my body I don't get as excited about posting pictures, but I guess I should, because I'm now 25 months out and maintaining! Go Me! Anyways, not the most flattering shirt, but hey, I can wear stuff like that and not mind if it makes me look 5lbs heavier. Jeans are Old Navy Size 6, shirt is a large b/c it was from Pac Sun, that place I think is made for "young kids" b/c even the large, as you can see is skin tight and makes me "boobalicious"! :)

Face to Face with Fat Amber

WOW! Where do I begin? We went over to my dad's yesterday to work out and he was going through old videos from like 2002-2006. It took everything in me not to break down. I always knew I was fat but to see myself on TV was just gut renching. I mean really really just hard to see. I was a big fat cow. Hugh, gigantic, fat, unhealthy, sloppy looking (even with nice clothes). That vision will be burned in my mind forever and everytime I start to slip up I will have that picture in my head. It's one thing to see still photos of yourself fat but to watch moving videos......GAG! And my boobs.....Holy Shit! Those babies were Gynormous!!!!!!

Food Posts....haven't done it in a few days

Wednesday
Breakfast-protein bar
Lunch-Chix Fettacni Alfredo 1/2 slice of garlic bread, small salad
Dinner-1/2 Grilled Cheese & a small bowl of tomato soup
Snack-7 pieces of cheese & 7 pieces of dried sausage
Snack-throughout the day I had 5 dove chocolates

Thursday-
Breakfast-1/2 english muffin, 1/2 piece of sausage, 1/2 an egg (made a sandwich)
Lunch-

Saturda & Sunday

I wanted to blog daily what I eat but I forget to do it, then I try and remember what I had and half the time that's a lost cause!

Saturday (what I can remember)
Breakfast taco, with most of the tortilla torn off (egg, sausage, hashbrowns, salsa, cheese)
Lunch protein bar
Snack slice of Papa John's all meat pizza
Dinner 2 bagel bite pizzas, 1/2 Friday's potato skin, couple of pieces of candy
Late night snacking 1/2 slice of home made bread with butter (WHAT WAS I THINKING AT 9 AT NIGHT?!?!?!)

Sunday
Breakfast-BurgerKing Ham/Cheese/Egg Crissont (took about 1 1/2 hours to eat the whole thing) and had a few hashbrowns
AM Snack-Starbucks Double Chocolaty Chip Frappachino....YUM!! My weekly treat!
Lunch-Protein Bar
PM Snack-A few peanuts
Dinner-Corn, Velveeta shells & cheese, sausage

I hate evenings because they are the worst. I don't know why but they are. I just do mindless snacking, I find myself standing in the pantry looking for something eventhough I'm not even hungry. Wish I could enject my brain with something. Well, tomorrow is another day, right?

Off to A Good Start

Ate a good breakfast (breakfast taco)
Worked Out (1.5 miles cardio & weights on legs)
Ate a good lunch (2 slices of turkey, 2 slices of salomi, 1 slice of swiss, mustard)
Had a healthy snack (protein lemonade & mixed nuts & some sesame sticks)
I honestly can't remember what I ate for dinner or if I snacked on anything.

So far so good, but afternoons and evenings are where I struggle. I have to mentally stay strong! No mindless eating and snacking on crap! :)